Let’s run through all the piddly, stupid stuff before Charrisse Jordan’s party of the century.
Ashley Darby wants to take care of her mother. Her mother has never wanted to be a burden. She’s been hit hard financially, and tearfully accepts Ashley’s offer to buy her a home. Katie Rost should stay lip locked with Andrew, and keep herself out of hot water. Instead, she bitched about Karen’s podunk cocktail party/O’Gala. Then she turned her tongue on Gizelle being a “genuinely good person with a spiritual heart, but dresses like a prostitute and can be a little bitchy.” This was (hands down) tonight’s LOL moment.
It’s hilarious that Robyn and Juan met for lunch to discuss their future. They sleep in the same bed! Isn’t that really pillow talk? Let’s meet for lunch, so we can talk? Anyway, Juan is staying in Maryland with a new coaching job. This helps relieve the financial stress, and for now they can keep living as a divorced/married couple. Gizelle tried to pin Juan down on his plans with Robyn. He gave her exactly the answer she deserved. Nothing. Since she didn’t get anywhere solving Robyn’s relationship issues, she went home to consult with her daughters about her own. Should she start dating? (Psssst…hey girls, Mom’s already been singling and mingling.) Sweetly, the girls were all in agreement, “get a boyfriend!” She really does need to get a boyfriend, instead of dragging her stylist/crab boiler to all her plus-one events. Sorry, Kal.
Karen Huger and her husband Ray had an awkward conversation in their messy garage. Rich people have cluttered garages too? Karen was still reeling from Ashley’s disrespect at her O’Gala. According to Karen, she has an alter ego that you NEVER want to meet. Unlike Karen (who’s beautiful and glamorous) there is Chaka, who will “slap the shit outta you.” Clearly, you can take the girl outta Germantown, but you can’t take the Germantown outta the girl. Non-Chaka Karen (with bedroom eyes…) coyly asks Ray: What will we do with an empty house? I guess Ray felt the need to assure her that it means their booty calls will be on speed dial. She could probably just speak into that house intercom of hers “Raymond, booty call in 10 minutes in the kitchen?…and bring your golf bag…so I can show you how you can REALLY shoot a hole in one…okay Tiger? I know how you LOVE it when I call you Tiger.”
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Okay, Charrisse Jordan. You get all kinds of props this week. Your photo shoot was amazing. Even without Katie’s help, you stunned. It’s awesome when a woman embraces her beauty and her freedom, and flips the bird to any negativity holding her back. Your 50th birthday party at the Carnegie Library? There’s NO topping that one. Rapping at your own birthday party could have been dorky. But surprisingly, you nailed it. Hope your dad didn’t give you any flack for dropping the F bomb. But the ALL TIME “KILLER BITCH” move? Throwing yourself an $80k birthday party, and sending the bill to your no-show husband Eddie. It literally rivaled Kill Bill’s lady vengeance. Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids.
Good thing Charrisse wasn’t aware of the drama on (and off) the dance floor. Here’s what was happening: Ashley tried to talk to Karen, but the Queen wasn’t having it. Not once, but TWICE did she dismiss little Ms. Ashley. Don’t worry young one, Katie slung it good about Karen: “Karen should be taking notes on how to have an event.” Hey, that’s the Queen you’re talking about.
God Save You! Over on the dance floor, everything was going great until somebody grabbed Andrew’s ass. And that somebody was Michael Darby. Okay, okay, it SOUNDS worse than it was. Was it weird? Sorta. But he did it in front of his wife. It was a goof. Not according to the GAYDAR SQUAD: Gizelle and Robyn. There could only be two explanations. He’s gay, or he’s white. Or both? Katie defended Ashley pointing out that black football players smack each other on the ass all the time. It must never happen in basketball. Unless of course, you’ve heard of Isiah Thomas and Magic Johnson SMOOCHING ON THE COURT! This led to Ashley pointing out that Gizelle and Robyn (like her) are biracial. Both denied any white heritage. Annoyed, Katie asked where their green eyes and blonde hair came from. Ashley heads over to Michael to tell him about the butt scandal he started. She finds him engaged in a conversation with some dude. He was asking the guy his height, and if he works out. Maybe that’s just how sexually secure, older Australian, rich guys greet other fellas on the dance floor. What’s the problem?
Looking ahead at the season finale. Ashley wants a baby, but does Michael want to invest in that new venture? Andrew’s headed to Scotland to play golf (again with the golf?) and Katie’s not invited, he even tells her so. What a d*ck. Gizelle wants to have a luncheon to mend all the fences. Hope she rented out the whole place, because it looks like the shit’s really gonna hit the fan.
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